Today I got up early … finished off some writing I had to do and now have the rest of the day to myself.. well .. I SHOULD have the rest of the day to myself .. but yesterday, when visiting my mum, I found myself being organised to pick my mum and my Aunt Maggie up and take them to the Edinburgh Woollen Mill at Dobbies in Dunfermline … I am not quite sure how it happened .. but my mum has a knack of organising things and just presuming that I will be the taxi driver …. (she does still drive!), so I am not quite sure why I have to be roped in … I end up walking around with this “Oh woe is me expression on my face …
This is what happened the last time I took the pair of them out ….
Today has been a day of … auld folk and chip butties … 
I whisked my mum and my Auntie Maggie off for the day. My Auntie has never been down towards the border in Scotland so we headed off for Peebles.
It was a bit wet and miserable on the drive down and Peebles was no better. Although we circuited the main street 5 times (thanks to my Mums insistence that there was a car park).. however it seems this car park has mysteriously disappeared. I did find two car parks, but these were not the right car park and would have meant at least a 2 minutes walk to the town centre… which was far too far in the opinion of my two ancient creakies.
I also managed (on the fourth circuit) to find a car parking space in the middle of the high street, so I parked up .. only to be informed that 45 minutes was not enough time to have a cup of tea and a cake …
In the end, shortly towards the end of the fifth circuit I was possessed by a demon that shouted out “bugger it, I’m going somewhere else” and headed towards Galashiels.
There was at least 2 minutes silence from the creakies as they considered the fact that perhaps they had been too fussy, but it was too late, I was on the road to Galashiels and that was that.
Driving along the Tweed Valley was beautiful, the road was lined with daffodils, lambs were playing in the fields, ok so maybe one or two of them were lying dead but we ignored that…..
As we approached Gala I was informed by both creakies that it was necessary to find a toilet asap… I was rather worried about my leather seats (well.. the smell of urine on leather!) so I dutifully found them a wee cafe in a village just outside Gala… we even had a lovely cup of coffee and cakes!
The day was looking up … as we left the cafe (fed, watered and dewatered) we found a thrift shop .. which have magical powers when it comes to my mum .. they just suck her in in a whoosh of white hair, fluffy white scarves and blue rain jacket … Anyway .. after spending 20 minutes looking at other peoples rubbish she bought me a vase .. it is quite a nice vase.. but I already have vases.. and not much room .. but I thanked her and wondered where on earth I was going to put it.
My Auntie Maggie spent the 20 minutes staring at a bookcase full of books. Not moving, not touching, hardly breathing. At one point I thought she had died in an upright position. I was wondering if perhaps the thrift shop had a second hand coffin round the back .. but thankfully she suddenly came out of her obviously excitement enduced coma and picked two books that she gleefully bought for 50p (25p each) … We Fifers do like a bargain.
Eventually we did reach Gala… only to find that on one side of the high street it was sunny and fair and on the other it was raining! (not lying was very strange!)… We hunted in vain for an Edinburgh Woollen Mill (my auntie wanted a new jumper) but failed to find one .. so instead we hit the pound stretchers where the creakies charged through the door like a couple of elephants spotting a water hole …
My mum managed to find a new biscuit barrel … which pleased her greatly since it even came with matching salt and pepper dishes and .. much to my amazement .. I bought things too! Some Herb seeds, 4 tall solar lights for my garden and a couple of big bulbs for plants. I am not sure what they are .. but they looked nice in the picture.
We then decided it was lunch time .. “I know a lovely restaurant round here” says me … “Nooooo” the creakies replied in unison (did I mention they were wearing exactly the same rain jacket too….) “this lovely little cafe with do” …
So … 3 chip rolls, 2 cups of tea and a coffee later .. I realised that both the creakies were looking at me in an expectant kind of way … both with their heads tilted to one side … white hair neatly combed… matching rain jackets (did I mention that they … oh yes .. I think I did!) … “sooooo” says me … I presume I am paying”. Honestly it was like having 2 very smiley nodding dogs in matching jackets …
Lunch cost me £10.50 (which pleased me greatly!) … I am soooooo glad that they didnt take me up on my offer of the restaurant now … that would have cost me at least £70 … and the embarrassment factor of having the two creakies in the matching jackets “ooohing and aaaahhing” at everything and then discussing (loudly) how expensive things were .. then the good old “I will just have soup” routine .. where they both look at each other in a pathetic way waiting on me to say “nooo .. nooo it’s my treat .. have the steak/salmon/truffle stuffed up the arse duck” or whatever.
I got off lightly today .. next time I may not be so lucky …
Jayne Johnson 